Online Dating Part III – Writing the Best Online Dating Profile

Posted in Chapter 2 - How to Meet New People, Online Dating, The Secrets

Online Dating Part III – Writing the Best Online Dating Profile

Intimidated by writing an online dating profile?

 

What you say matters, but it's not as hard as you think.

 

 

 

An online profile is unlike any type of writing you learned in school.

 

Good writing structure and grammar are important, but the ultimate goal is to make an impression on someone you haven't met yet.  This requires more skill than a traditional writing endeavor.

In the prior article - How to Get Your Online Profile Noticed -  we outlined secrets that will help attract potential matches to your profile.  Now, we will piggy-back off many of these same techniques to help you create a winning profile.
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Step 1 - Clear Your Mind

 

It's important to rid yourself of any previous advice, assumptions or thoughts on what "should" be in a great profile.

Most so-called dating experts give the same generic advice related to an online profile (i.e. use good grammar, highlight your positives, describe in detail what you want, etc).

That stuff sounds good, but it is based on a primitive understanding of attraction, social dynamics and subliminal communication.

You won't stand out and ATTRACT someone using the same formula as everyone else.

Most people already discount what people write in their profiles because they know it is "crafted" to make the person look their best - just like they did with their own profile.

We utilize "out-of-the-box" techniques that you may never considered before.  Thus, it's imperative that you open yourself up to an approach that may seem counter-intuitive.

 

 

Step 2 - Less is More

 

Conventional wisdom may tell you that a detailed profile is important.

You might THINK that you need to a) describe yourself in detail, b) explain how you like to spend your time, c) what you want in a partner, d) list your favorite food, e) give your astrology sign, etc.  THIS ASSUMPTION IS WRONG!

If someone has clicked your profile, they are already semi-attracted to you.  Making them read a lengthy, detailed profile has more chance of sabotaging that initial attraction than helping.

Most people don't read everything written anyway, so it's better to keep things brief and follow Step 3.

 

 

Step 3 - Make Your Profile Fun to Read

 

If you've ever read a book, you know that some are much more painful to read than others.  Much of it boils down to how interesting the subject matter is to you.

With your profile, it's important to focus on the READER, not the actual information.

For example, a dictionary is very detailed, informative, and accurate. However, would you like to read the entire dictionary??? Of course, not.

Show your personality in HOW you write versus listing tons of details and hoping it strikes some "compatibility" with a reader.

To illustrate, here is an example of a stereotypical profile...

 

Online Dating Profile - 'Too Much Info' Example

 

I'm a fun, outgoing, understanding, caring, and romantic.  I also love being outdoors.  

I find humor and fun in most things and never have a dull moment in life.  I enjoy my job and where I'm going in life and won't settle for anything less than I what I deserve.  

I have a strong personality and I am proud of this!  I am very easy to compromise and I believe that it is better to find the solution than to have a quarrel.

My goal is to find someone who will appreciate me for who I am.  I'm not a player and not on here just to get laid.  I've been hurt before and just want someone who will treat me well and I will do the same.  I would love to meet a woman with kind heart and pure soul. 

Answers to Online Dating Profile Questions:

My favorite TV shows are King of the Hill, Cops, and the Simpsons.  

I love fine dining, especially Sushi.

I enjoy all types of music except country.

The last book I read was called One by Scott Turow which talks about his first year as a law student.

I have a dog and fish.

My sign is a Libra.

I play pool, football, basketball and tennis for hobbies in my free time.

 

Pretty boring huh?  Is there anything sexy about it?

Even if you found compatibility with this person in one or two areas, you probably found incompatibilities too.

Too much detail sabotages attraction.  You must write in a fun, unconventional way to stand out and excite attraction.

 

Here's a secret...ignore certain questions posed by most dating websites.  Only answer things that are absolutely critical such as your age, city, etc.

You favorite food, book and tv shows are worthless attributes to add to a profile unless you are going to utilize them in a witty, exciting manner.

 

Just because two people watch the same TV show or eat the same food doesn't mean they are compatible!

Here is a sample profile we constructed for a male.  Notice how we intentionally avoided bombarding the reader with tons of "data" and emotional vomit.  Instead we added a touch of wit/personality.

 

Online Dating Profile - Good Example

 

Hello.  I apologize in advance for being somewhat brief, but I am new here.

Call me old fashioned...But I usually don't tell someone my astrology sign, favorite TV show, or favorite foods until the SECOND date.

Trust me though...it's worth the wait to hear that I...

a) don't believe in astrology,

b) watch National Geographic more than any other channel, and

c)  will try anything once - except Sushi from a buffet.

 

At this point, you're probably thinking that I'm the total package compared to all the shirtless guy profiles on this site.  

I should stop now, right???

Well...I haven't told you what I'm looking for yet, so don't get too excited.

Before we start corresponding, I just have one initial litmis test...

If you noticed what word I misspelled in the sentence above, you passed step 1 and can feel free to email me.

 

In all seriousness...I'm a fun, confident, secure guy that would love to find that needle in a haystack online and prove the doubters wrong.

At this stage, I fully understand that pics generate most of the initial attraction online.  You can trust that my pics are 100% current and accurate.  

I look forward to corresponding with anyone who has their act together and will appreciate a guy who does as well.

Best of luck either way!

 

No profile will be perfectly suited to everyone who reads it.  But isn't this profile much more creative, interesting, and memorable compared to the previous profile?

The amount of replies this guy got with his profile was staggering compared to his old profile.

Let's break down each element in detail, so you can utilize similar techniques in crafting one for yourself.

 

Hello.  I apologize in advance for being somewhat brief, but I am new here.

"Hello" is an appropriate greeting in any situation - including writing.

Avoid anything plural like "Hello Ladies".  You want a reader to believe you are specifically talking to THEM.

With online dating, their is an obvious 'elephant in the room' (i.e. it's a meat market with limitless options).  Don't remind them in your profile that you're advertising to tons of people.  Word your profile as if you were speaking one-on-on to someone.

This sentence also piggy-backs off the dynamic we suggested in How to Get Your Profile Noticed.  Implying that you are "new" separates you from the stigma of being an online dating 'veteran'.

It also mitigates any weakness in your profile.  If someone doesn't like the style of your profile, you subliminally planted a built-in reason as to why it may not be great (i.e. you are just "new").

It's a brilliant way to put less pressure on yourself and your profile.

 

Call me old-fashioned...But I usually don't tell someone my astrology sign, favorite TV show, or favorite food until the SECOND date.

Again, we are using conventional stigmas to our advantage.

Most women fear that guys online are players and just want to get laid.  By using the phrase "old-fashioned" and "until the SECOND date", you subconsciously eliminate that stigma applying to you.

Even better...you did it in a witty manor instead of specifically saying "I'm not a player and not just on here to get laid".

By suggesting you are a 'slow-mover', it gives women a critical level of comfort needed at this early stage.

Also note that you subliminally planted a suggestion about a second date already.

 

 

a) don't believe in astrology,

b) watch National Geographic more than any other channel, and

c)  will try anything once - except Sushi from a buffet.

This clever method of disclosing information about yourself makes other profiles look primitive.

Mentioning you don't believe in astrology shows you are confident to take a position that may be different from many women.  Too many guys say whatever they THINK a woman wants to hear.

Remember....

Women want a guy with a backbone, not someone who agrees with everything they say or believe.

Secondly, guys often embarrass themselves by mentioning specific TV shows that aren't flattering or sabotage attraction.

By mentioning NatGeo,you are being nebulous and just mentioning a channel.  It also frames you as an intellectual without specifically bragging that your are "smart".  NatGeo has virtually no bad stigmas, so you are avoiding any pitfalls while gaining all the positive attributes associated with it.

Finally, the phrase - "Try anything once" -  is a great way to say you are "adventurous" without using those same words everyone puts in their profile.

Claiming to eat anything "except Sushi from a buffet" communicates you appreciate fine dining without being explicit or pompous.

 

 

At this point, you're probably thinking that I'm the total package compared to all the shirtless guy profiles on this site.

This line utilizes subliminal communication.

You specifically use the words "I'm the total package", but do it in a clever way that doesn't make you seem narcissistic or conceited.

You also sabotage every guy's profile with a shirtless pic by implying they are inferior to yours.  (Trust us, these subconscious messages stick with people.)

Also, notice the double spacing we used before you get to this sentence in the profile. This is intentional and will subliminally focus even more attention on what you are about to say.

 

 

I haven't told you what I'm looking for yet, so don't get too excited.

This wording is extremely creative and effective.

First, you are declaring that this is a two-way street.  You're not just selling yourself the entire profile like other guys.

It's important to show that you have criteria too.  Even if the criteria is minor, you gain more respect than someone who is begging for attention from ANYONE with his/her profile.

Saying "don't get too excited yet" is method of advanced subliminal messaging.  Ever since we were kids, we've been programmed to do whatever we're told NOT to do. Believe it or not....saying "don't get too excited" actually makes the person get excited.

 

 

Before we start corresponding, I just have one initial litmis test...

If you noticed what word I misspelled in the sentence above, you passed step 1 and can feel free to email me.

In addition to the previous subliminal suggestion, we now incorporate a fun test.

All the person has to do is notice that the word "litmus" is misspelled.  Very easy...but people love to communicate that they know the answer to things.

The most brilliant part is that it almost forces EVERYONE who reads your profile to respond.

Most online websites show you who viewed your profile.  So think about it...who wants to be shown as someone who "saw your profile", but wasn't smart enough to find the misspelled word???

You would not believe how many super attractive women responded by answering the question asked in the profile.

 

 

In all seriousness, I'm a fun, confident, secure guy that would love to find that needle in a haystack online and prove the doubters wrong.

Your entire profile cannot be witty/funny or you risk being labeled a clown or not serious about the process.

The right percentage of wit/seriousness can vary per person, but it's usually best to start with the fun stuff and end on a serious note.

Saying you're "serious" and that you are a "fun, confident, secure" guy are all attributes that every woman can appreciate and feel good about responding to.

The verbiage - "needle in a haystack"-  subconsciously tells the reader that you are very selective and worthy of the rarest find.

Everyone knows the stigma of online dating, so "proving the doubters wrong" is a concept that most online daters can relate to --- otherwise they wouldn't be on the site.

 

 

At this stage, I fully understand that pics generate most of the initial attraction online.  You can trust that my pics are 100% current and accurate. 

I look forward to corresponding with anyone who has their act together and will appreciate a guy who does as well.

Acknowledging that pics dictate most attraction online may seem shallow, but everyone knows this deep down.

Subliminally, this evidences you as a straight shooter - not a BS'er or sugar-coater.

You also exhibit credibility by going out of your way to confirm your pics are accurate.

Again, this gives women a level of comfort and makes it easier for them to respond to you.

 

Best of luck either way!

This line shows you are "outcome independent".

You aren't going to stress out whether the person responds or not, which are signs of a confident secure person.

Our advanced material stresses the importance of being "outcome independent" in your mind, but here's a great way to communicate it to others in your profile.

Nobody wants an insecure person that stresses over anyone who doesn't like them or respond.

 

 

Step 4 - Things to Avoid

 

The previous example did a great job of balancing wit and seriousness.  It may have inspired you to come up with your own version or tweaks.

(We acknowledge that the previous example wasn't written for a women's profile, but many of the same aspects apply.)

When crafting your own profile, here are a few common mistakes to avoid:

 

-- Avoid negative statements - anything that hints at bitterness in dating or a cynical view of life are big turnoffs

-- Avoid spelling/grammar errors - nothing turns off a quality person faster than seeing the word ridiculous spelled "rediculous".  Remember proper punctuation and spacing to make things easy to read.

-- Avoid bragging - narcissism is not attractive and will sabotage your image fast.

-- Avoid long lists - Instead of listing multiple hobbies, just list one.  Passion for ONE thing is more attractive than a laundry list of casual endeavors.  It also subliminally attaches that ONE thing to you.  For example, the next time you hear NatGeo you probably will think of the profile in this article.

-- Avoid emoticons/acronyms - Overdoing smiley symbols and "lol" will stereotype you in a negative fashion.

-- Avoid capitalization - Unless you want to come across as yelling...don't abuse capitalization.

-- Avoid crude language or sexual talk - People sometimes feel braver behind a keyboard and will say things they normally won't say in person.  Let others make that mistake...not you!

-- Avoid the past - Leave the past where it belongs - especially pertaining to your relationship history.

 

 

Step 5 - Choose Your Pictures Wisely

 

Pictures can work for you – or against you.  Choose ones that communicate your best traits.

It's also not a bad idea to have pics from your past mixed in with current pics to give more insight about you.

Here are a few tips:

  • Pics with friends show you are social.
  • Pics from a trip show you are adventurous.
  • Pics from a sporting event shows you're active.
  • Pics with a pet or family member demonstrates your softer side.
  • Candid pics show you're spontaneous, fun and not overly obsessed about your looks.

As we mentioned in the previous article, NO MIRROR CELL PHONE PICS and NO SHIRTLESS/SEXY PICS.

Evoking lust is not the same as evoking genuine attraction.

You definitely can "hook" certain people with sleazy, sexy pics.  However, expect to be treated accordingly as soon as they see the next sleazy pic that looks better than you.

 

 

Final Thoughts

 

A great match between two people ultimately depends on chemistry.

An uninspired, boring profile generates no attraction and puts even more pressure on your pics to ignite chemistry.

First impressions count so dedicate the appropriate time necessary to create the RIGHT profile.

Make sure it creatively reflects attractive qualities about yourself in a fun to read and memorable manner .

Your effort will be rewarded 10 fold when the sparks start flying and your email box is filling up with people anxious to correspond with YOU!

If you have specific questions or would like 1-on-1 help writing your profile, all Friends With Benefits members should feel free to email us for potential help.

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To access the rest of this article, please upgrade to a "Friends with Benefits" member here.

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Thanks for sharing!!!

 

Click this button for a special one (1) week free trial to our "Friends with Benefits" membership where you will have access to the rest of this article and many others.
 

Take a sneak peek with this video preview.

Here is a sample profile we created on the Ashley Madison website that you can use as a guide for almost any website.

 

screencapture-www-ashleymadison-com-app-private-site-p-1440077518461

 

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