People with low self-esteem think negatively about their lives and themselves.
These thoughts and beliefs are rarely objective and factual.
Typically, they are just negative opinions and perceptions of reality.
1. All-or-nothing-- You see things as either all good or all bad. If you fail at one relationship, you feel like a total failure in dating.
2. Pessimism -- You focus on the negatives and dwell constantly on your failures. Your achievements don't carry as much weight as your failures.
3. Jumping to conclusions -- You reach a negative conclusion without any evidence to support it. For example, the person you're dating doesn't text you back and you immediately think something is wrong.
4. Translating temporary to permanent -- Any feelings of disappointment or instances of failure get translated into permanent negative feelings about yourself.
5. Self deprecation -- You put yourself down and don't feel like you deserve better.
6. Arrogance -- You overcompensate for the lack of self esteem by acting arrogant. You bring others down to how you feel about yourself.
The good news is that your DNA is NOT to blame.
Regardless of how your insecurities developed, you CAN learn how to improve low self esteem.
As mentioned in previous articles, Optimacy will build your confidence via competence. The greater your confidence...the more likely you will cure any low self esteem.
In this article, we address low self esteem directly by attacking the false perceptions of poor self esteem.
Here is a great exercise to start bring perspective to your low self esteem. Once your perceptions change, then it's much easier to build confidence and implement our confidence boosters.
1. Look around the room right now and notice every object that is brown.
2. Next, close your eyes and call out every item that you saw that was white.
3. Open your eyes and notice how many white things that you missed.
(You likely missed plenty of white items because you were only concentrating on things that were brown.)
Now apply this concept to yourself.
Are you concentrating more on the positive or the negative things about yourself???
For many, low self esteem is just a distortion of reality. Thus, the first step to curing low self esteem is simply looking at things in an objective manner.
You likely lost self esteem because of things that have happened in the past.
Odds are it came from one or more of the following...
1. Parents – Even well-meaning parents can diminish our confidence by putting lofty expectations on us. These unreasonable goals often create immense pressure and any shortfalls result in a loss of self esteem.
2. Friends – You will reflect much of the values of your social circle. If you have a lot of friends who do not excel or have low self esteem, you will adopt many of those traits as well.
3. Society – Advertising constantly bombards your self esteem with messages that you need to look or feel better (via their products). If you don’t have these products, then subliminally you're told that you don’t measure up.
At this stage, it doesn’t matter what factor (or combination of factors) specifically caused your low self esteem.
Some issues may require 1-on-1 coaching, but most are 100% under your control.
Your self esteem gauges how well you've coped with unreasonable expectations or influences.
To empower you, let's discuss some confidence boosters to re-adjust your way of thinking and processing negative influences.