Texting Part I – Secrets to Generating Attraction

Posted in Chapter 2 - How to Meet New People, Texting, The Secrets

Texting Part I – Secrets to Generating Attraction

Texting will never replace face-to-face conversations...


But don't under-estimate the momentum it can build to attraction...



Poor texting skills will cripple your chances in dating.


Think about how many phone calls, voice mails, and emails that texting has replaced.

Why is it so popular?

Texting offers a great balance of almost real-time communication with the ability to proceed at your own convenience.  It's more intimate than emails, yet everything is documented and easy to access.

Compared to traditional telephone calls, texting is much more accessible and efficient.

It may not be the perfect method to communicate in all situations, but...

Like it or not, texting is here to stay, so you might as well embrace it and master the skills necessary to use it to your advantage.  

Being able to think before you say anything is very powerful.  Unfortunately, many people put very little thought and effort into their texts.

In fact, the words, phrases and lingo used in texts have become so standardized that you can't tell one person's personality from another.

Instead of providing some basic rules and etiquette to follow, we first want to show just how powerful and intricate proper texting can be.

In the case study below, we highlight an advanced Optimacy student and chronicle many of the texting secrets that get overlooked. 




In this example, a guy recently met a girl and got her number.  He wanted to ask her out, but was shy and didn't feel comfortable calling her on the phone.  They had been exchanging normal pleasantries via text, but he wanted (and needed) to escalate things before they fizzled.  It was already Friday night and he wanted to see her soon.


What would you do to get her to see you last-minute without appearing desperate?

How would you start the conversation other than the stereotypical --  "what u doin" or "hey sweetie" or "what's up"?

How could you ensure not getting rejected and even get her to INVITE YOU out?

Let's look at the interaction...

[8:07pm]Optimacy Male:  Do you have something really nice to wear?

[8:32pm]Female Target:  Of course...Why?

[8:50pm]Female Target: ???

[8:55pm]Optimacy Male:  Sorry...was in the shower

[8:56pm]Optimacy Male: I got invited to a charity function next week and want take one of the best looking woman I know.

[8:58pm]Female Target:  Awww. That's sweet.

[9:00pm]Optimacy Male:  Yeah...and you can come too :)

[9:01pm]Female Target:  What?!?

[9:03pm]Optimacy Male: You know I'm kidding.  Where's ur sense of humor?

[9:10pm]Female Target:  U have to tell me something funny first ;)

[9:30pm]Optimacy Male:  noted...well don't say 'yes' just yet...i need to research this function a little more...to make sure it will be fun

[9:32pm]Female Target: What's it for?  When?

[9:34pm]Optimacy Male:  A week from now...just got invite and thought of u

[9:35pm]Female Target:  ok. let me know details when u find out

[9:36pm]Optimacy Male:  If I can't wait a week to see you, what's my next best option.

[9:38pm]Female Target:  well, I'm out at Martine's Wine Bar right now...


Much like we did in our article about Writing an Online Dating Profile, let's break down each line and explain the various nuances at play.

[8:07pm]Optimacy Male :  Do you have something really nice to wear?

Starting ANY conversation with a question is perfectly acceptable, so it works fine for texting too.  Just make sure to avoid rhetorical or boring questions such as "What you doin?" "Where are you?"  "How are you?"  

This particular question is great because it's intriguing.  She will immediately anticipate why you are asking.  

You're subconsciously flattering her because she anticipates being asked out for a very nice occasion.  This is a much better question than the stereotypical "Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

Notice the additional brilliance of this text...You haven't formally asked yet, but her first response to this text will usually give you a tipoff to her disposition.


[8:32pm]Female Target:  Of course...Why?

She KNOWS why you are asking, so saying "of course" and "why" shows she is open to hearing more.  If she wasn't interested, she wouldn't have responded or said something like "No" or "I hate dressing up".



[8:50pm]Female Target: ???

She took a while (~30 minutes) to initially respond, so our guy took almost an equally long time to respond.  It's important to pay attention to timing in your responses. Responding 1 second after every text hints at desperation.

She obviously got impatient waiting for a response and sent this second text "???" evidencing her anticipation.  This is another great sign.

Notice that he acquired this additional indicator of interest simply by choosing to delay his response.  This represents high level texting skills.  It's important to master these subtle nuances in order to give you the best chances for success.



[8:55pm]Optimacy Male:  Sorry...was in the shower

[8:56pm]Optimacy Male: I got invited to a charity function next week and want take one of the best looking woman I know.

Usually we don't recommend ever sending two texts in a row without a response. However, this is the perfect showcase for an exception.

He paid attention to her response and noticed she had gotten impatient.  Instead of continuing on with his pre-planned texts, he sent an explanation for the delay first.

Apologizing and giving an explanation sends comforting signals to her that you respect her feelings...especially in this situation where an apology isn't typically necessary.

Also notice the excuse he used.  Saying he "was in the shower" intimated that he may be going somewhere and not just sitting at home lonely and texting girls on a Friday night.  Subtle things like this will make a big difference in how you are perceived.

Next, he immediately sent a SEPARATE text to get back on track, so the conversation would not deviate from his originally intended course.

The "function" may be fictitious, but notice the subliminally powerful wording.  A "charity" function elevates your status and gives the woman even more comfort about your character without you bragging about it.

He then gives her a great compliment by implying she is ONE of the best looking women he knows.  Using the wording "one of the best"  instead of "the best" keeps the compliment strong, while not portraying you as obsessed.  Competition is always a great motivator too!

Notice that he also mentions the event is next week, even though he wants to see her now.  Most women would be turned off by a text at 8pm on Friday from a guy wanting to see them that night.  By mentioning an event a week in advance, this guy separated himself from the typical Friday night text women get.

Plus, it brilliantly sets up his text later in the conversation.



[8:58pm]Female Target:  Awww. That's sweet.

[9:00pm]Optimacy Male:  Yeah...and you can come too :)

Her reply was perfect for him to then send his teasing/joke reply.  Giving a girl a great compliment and then teasing her generates tons of attraction with most women.

Women are used to guys giving them compliments and being overly nice.  When you compliment and then kind of take it back jokingly, it shows you have more personality, creativity, and wit.  You immediately separate yourself from most other guys who try too hard.

Don't fall in love with a pre-planned script or joke though.  If her reply was different, then it might NOT have been conducive to doing the joke.

For example, instead of saying "awww. that's sweet", she might have been sold already and started asking questions about the event.  Such questions may have sabotaged the joke he had planned, but it's actually an even better sign!

If she is asking about the event, it means she wants to go and there is no need to overdo things.  Save the joke or witty reply for later.

In short, always pay attention to how the person is responding and never stick to a formal script.



[9:01pm]Female Target:  What?!?

[9:03pm]Optimacy Male: You know I'm kidding.  Where's ur sense of humor?

Her quick reply to the joke was a good sign.

Fast replies generally show the person is engaged in your conversation and wants to keep it going.

His response is perfect.  Again, he semi-apologizes, but hedges things further by saying "where's ur sense of humor?"

Please note that whenever you do a joke like this, it has an element of risk.  The best technique to mitigate that risk is immediately mentioning their sense of humor afterward. Nobody wants to be thought of as having no sense of humor.

In fact, most people want validation for having favorable qualities like a good sense of humor. If you question their sense of humor, many will go overboard to prove they have it.

This guy's response virtually ensured that the joke would have no negative repercussions, while still evidencing his wit and playful side.  All these things are very attractive to most women.



[9:10pm]Female Target:  U have to tell me something funny first ;)

[9:30pm]Optimacy Male:  noted...well don't say 'yes' just yet...i need to research this function a little more...to make sure it will be fun

You can see why this guy is attracted to her.  She comes back with a very witty reply to his last text.

However, notice how he didn't let it distract him.  He said "noted" to acknowledge what she said, but didn't get into a battle over whether the joke was funny.

He immediately got back on track to the event and told her "don't say yes just yet".

This is a very powerful form of subliminal persuasion called negative suggestion.

When you say "don't", it instinctively triggers the complete opposite behavior in many people.  It's a carry-over from our lives as kids when we are told "don't" so many times, but instinctively we want to explore and push boundaries.

Due to the way our subconscious mind works, when he says "don't say yes", all she hears is "say yes".

Actually, the woman hasn't even said "yes", but our guy reinforces it by acting as though it is a done deal.  This shows confidence and total command of the conversation.  Most women love this, whether they consciously admit it or not.

Even if she fights his assumption that she would say "yes", he brilliantly followed it with something else to slightly change the focus.  He hints that he might not even go and that he has to "research" it more.

Whatever is the last thing you write in a text is usually what the person will respond to.  Use this to your advantage like our Optimacy guy did in this instance.

Remember...this event in the future is completely fictitious.  It's just a tool he is using to start conversation. Thus, he is planting a reason for it to fall through by saying he still has to research it.  It also gives him the perfect excuse to set up a date next week, but then transition it to some other place that would be more fun.

On top of that, she still CAN'T reject him because he still hasn't formally asked.  He even told her not to say 'yes' yet.  There really is no way for him to get rejected!



[9:32pm]Female Target: What's it for?  When?

[9:34pm]Optimacy Male:  A week from now...just got invite and thought of u

Her questions show she is totally interested now.

Instead of focusing too much on answering her question with boring details, he gave one small bit of info and then immediately got back to flirting with her.



[9:35pm]Female Target:  ok. let me know details when u find out

[9:36pm]Optimacy Male:  If I can't wait a week to see you, what's my next best option.

[9:38pm]Female Target:  well, I'm out at Martine's Wine Bar right now...

She is definitely sold at this point since she invites you to text her the specifics. Basically, you got her to agree to go to an event without hardly any risk of rejection.  

Once you know she will go with you to an event in the future, now is the time to bring up the real reason you are texting - you want to see her now.

Our guy's comeback couldn't have been better.  It hints at seeing her sooner than a week without appearing desperate and saying "i want to see you now".

The most brilliant part is subtle. In the conversation to-date, he has been in command, but, in this text, he gives HER the power to choose when to see him. This brief empowerment is likely what led her to take advantage of the opportunity immediately and invite him out now.

In this case, everything worked out.  She was out with another girl friend, but our guy's texts captivated her attention.  Instead of sitting there and getting hit on by the lame guys at the wine bar, she basically invited our guy to come see her immediately.





The purpose of this case study was NOT to give you a script to use.  This script will not play out the same with all women and men.

It was meant to highlight all the subtle and subconscious nuances involved in texting. Even though it was written from a male perspective, the underlying secrets highlighted apply equally to both sexes.

In our Advanced Material, we will have many more texting case studies like this, which highlight even more techniques for women and men.

In short though, the lesson is similar...

If you put more time, effort and creativity in your texting, you will instantly gain an advantage in generating attraction.



Some people may be "concerned" about the subliminal techniques used in this case study.

If so, I would caution these same people to never watch a TV commercial, go to a shopping mall, look at a billboard, read a book, attend a conference, or ever sit face-to-face with another human being.

EVERYONE attempts to influence others in their conversations/communications.  You can't even control much of your body language cues that communicate your intentions.

In other cases, the intentions are overt.  Do you really think salespeople in a department store are happy when they are smiling or are they just "buttering you up" with a forced smile?

Just because many people have primitive skills with respect to subliminal / subconscious communication doesn't change their intent or make them more altruistic.

Our goal is to teach you the secrets that other people overlook and never master. They exist whether you learn these techniques or not.  In the history of the world, increasing your knowledge has NEVER been a bad thing.

Plus, these techniques DON'T have to be used all the time.  Certainly, there comes a time in many relationships where you can pay less attention to generating attraction and other priorities prevail.

At a minimum, learning these techniques and skills will prevent them from being as effective on you.




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